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Lazy here laying in my own demise
I wonder what you all despise
I've committed the most horrific crime
And become a very nasty slime

To that one I loved so dearly
I think about you 365 yearly
Can't really help it though
As my heart has taken a blow

I never wish you to forgive me
I live now just to let you be
I'll always love you so much
As I try to remember your touch

Josh will be perfect for your life
He will make you a very proud wife
I only wish the best for you two
Especially everything you've been through

Joshua, please. I know I don't even have to ask
I trust you so much to accomplish this task
She is worth more then the existence we know
I'm not worried with you and her though

I loved her to death
I became such an awesome human
As she made me 100,000 times better
Now I've fallen 100,000 lower then I knew existed

Imagine fighting a fire with your bare hands
Imagine drowning without being under water
Imagine suffocating at ocean level
And imagine loving a girl without a heart

I know you'll love her dearly
Please never hurt her
Please josh
I'd do anything for you alone
Do Not Forgive
Lazy here laying in my own demise
I wonder what you all despise
I've committed the most horrific crime
And become a very nasty slime

To that one I loved so dearly
I think about you 365 yearly
Can't really help it though
As my heart has taken a blow

I never wish you to forgive me
I live now just to let you be
I'll always love you so much
As I try to remember your touch

Josh will be perfect for your life
He will make you a very proud wife
I only wish the best for you two
Especially everything you've been through

Joshua, please. I know I don't even have to ask
I trust you so much to accomplish this task
She is worth more then the existence we know
I'm not worried with you and her though

I loved her to death
I became such an awesome human
As she made me 100,000 times better
Now I've fallen 100,000 lower then I knew existed

Imagine fighting a fire with your bare hands
Imagine drowning without being under water
Imagine suffocating at ocean level
And imagine loving a girl without a heart

I know you'll love her dearly
Please never hurt her
Please josh
I'd do anything for you alone
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Loves me back by IridiumEX
Loves me back
my precious bmw, i take care of it, it takes care of me. It would never lie to me, hurt me, hide things from me, it will be honest with me all the time. Funny.. its better then almost all humans.
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try your best to not catch the disease.
it will make you deathly sick
it will kill you and everything you hold dear
dont fall in love with another human.
materials really are the only healthy objects.
stay away from love
listen...

you touched my center.

i wish you hadnt

i cant go on like this
i cant

you exist. and therefore i have to not exist without your touch and reach.

i regret meeting you. though you were my savior i accepted into my life, like
many people accept jesus into theirs. you were my religion.

i regret being nice. i regret falling in love with you.
i regret not having nightmares every single night.
i regret sleeping so well
i regret your sweet soft, voice.

*sigh* i am so lost. cant make up my mind anymore
today some many years ago
my blood started to thin and thicken
something in this world changed
amongst all other life
i felt this change so vividly
i fell in love
and cried many nights wishing it was
easier..
to find you
i did not want a relationship
i did not want to be a couple
i did not want a friendship
i wanted a union.
some kind of thing which some of us perceive as loyalty.
however this love has many things in which there is no word

its like i burst into fire the day you were born.
the moon reflected your kind heartedness to me, and the sun
told me how much we could love each other

i was so scared. so so scared, i knew you in another life
and i can prove it.
yet so many vulnerabilities
so many chances to lose you every day.

to be honest, when i met you that one day i had no idea it was you
i wasnt looking.
i think it hit me when we started laughing together.
and then one day i started saying nice things to you and i could not figure out why
i skipped out on an opera with my family to check on you after the world took a lash at you

i know exactly where i was on this planet the first time i heard your voice on the phone. I was in my dumb honda civic on a road called
meridith
heading over to a friends house with my sister and estranged brother.

my sister said i was glowing like the flash of a camera that day
happiest guy i knew.

you were the stitches i needed to put my split life back together.
a child never can cope well when his biological mother tells him she was going to abort him

i was so different after that.
i went from fun and smiling.
to quiet and dark

trust me. i try every day every minute every hour to let you go. i want to so bad. i just want to go on as you have
im so desperate. but something in me is programmed to care about you. and my mind makes sure im not some stupid creeper.
even though just writing about you so much in my opinion makes me a creeper. but ill never bother you
you are with him now
and im happy for him and you. i dont want him to hurt you again though...
i dont think he will. i hope.

you know i hate myself so much for everything. for messing up like we did.
you just told me we were physically together and thats why you lied to me and hid things from me.
i was young and couldnt help but to take advantage of my IT skills. just to check, which was wrong.

i made a terminal un fixable decision last november. and i knew it was wrong and i would suffer and never be happy
but i created the consequence because of what i did to you.

Then their was my accident.. which really was on purpose. ive never told anyone that. Rolling my car 13 times, i just forgot to take my seatbelt off silly me.
and my second accident.

life of secrets.

my family is gone.

i have no one

except the one that isnt wanted.

I make tons of money now
i own a bmw
i own a house
i have many nice things

and i dont want any of it

i hate it all.
ive traveled all over the world.. ive discovered some of the coolest music on the planet.
i love to learn.
i love working my ass off and being part of a team.
i love helping others
i love supporting people.

but mostly i loved being sweet to you.
giving you petty things just to bring an oz of happiness to your life
and in any other way i could make you happy

we were together 6 years. you hurt me so bad.
i hurt you even worse.

now its a cycle.
ive hurt loved ones in denial that you are gone.

seeing you pull up in your car that night... that white car.. outside that hampton inn, half my blood cells burst and i pretty much almost fell to my knees
and you were so nervous to get out of your car.

you always hated when i gave you compliments, but you know you are beautiful. i know you know it. and cant get your smile out of my head

I wanted to be friends with your whole family
and i wanted us to have our own friends too
kinda like you do know with him.. but he got you
he got the girl.

and im a glass sphere of delicate crystals just waiting to be dropped.

well time to end this pothole of a void journal entry.

go gay marriage.

happy birthday by the way..
Lazy here laying in my own demise
I wonder what you all despise
I've committed the most horrific crime
And become a very nasty slime

To that one I loved so dearly
I think about you 365 yearly
Can't really help it though
As my heart has taken a blow

I never wish you to forgive me
I live now just to let you be
I'll always love you so much
As I try to remember your touch

Josh will be perfect for your life
He will make you a very proud wife
I only wish the best for you two
Especially everything you've been through

Joshua, please. I know I don't even have to ask
I trust you so much to accomplish this task
She is worth more then the existence we know
I'm not worried with you and her though

I loved her to death
I became such an awesome human
As she made me 100,000 times better
Now I've fallen 100,000 lower then I knew existed

Imagine fighting a fire with your bare hands
Imagine drowning without being under water
Imagine suffocating at ocean level
And imagine loving a girl without a heart

I know you'll love her dearly
Please never hurt her
Please josh
I'd do anything for you alone

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Comments


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:iconpaltiel:
Paltiel Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014
Thankee for the point.

Enjoy the llama!  ^_^
:iconllamalaplz:
Reply
:iconeewill:
eewill Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the trade!
Reply
:iconphoenixrisingfromash:
PhoenixRisingFromAsh Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you for the trade! 
Reply
:iconiridiumex:
IridiumEX Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
one sad thing for everyday, to remind myself who I am.
Reply
:iconiridiumex:
IridiumEX Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
take my hand... walk with me
with your hand...set me free
Reply
:iconiridiumex:
IridiumEX Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
is this where my soul is trapt? on a sheet of thin, fragile paper? written with a conduit so dull as my mind.
Reply
:iconiridiumex:
IridiumEX Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
so suddenly, the pass of unforgiven
Reply
:iconiridiumex:
IridiumEX Featured By Owner May 8, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Starting now I will be posting my work elsewhere, contact me for info
Reply
:iconsteampixy:
SteamPixy Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you for the favorite!
Reply
:iconnsolanki:
NSolanki Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013   Photographer
Thank you for the favourite add :)
Reply
:iconcountessbloody:
CountessBloody Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2012
Thanks very much for the fav, I appreciate Greetings from France
Reply
:iconmonotoneminimal:
MonotoneMinimal Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012
Thx for faving :handshake:
Reply
:icondarkvoid42:
darkVOID42 Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
:iconbummy1::iconbummy2::iconbummy3::iconbummy1:
Thanks for faving AVUS !
Reply
:icondarkvoid42:
darkVOID42 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks also for the other favs and the :+devwatch:!
:squee::squee::squee::squee::squee::squee::squee:
Reply
:iconjpthart:
JPtHart Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Student Photographer
Thank you :aww:
Reply
:iconbens1n:
bens1n Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2012  Student General Artist
Thanks for the favoritism! :)
Reply
:icondcphotographics:
DCPhotographics Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012  Professional Photographer
hi there! many thanks for the fav! glad to hear you enjoy my work :D:D
Reply
:iconiridiumex:
IridiumEX Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Your welcome. you do good work
Reply
:iconmelissaearl:
melissaearl Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
:w00t!: Thank you so much for the :+fav: :w00t!:
Reply
:iconstefano-coltelli:
Stefano-Coltelli Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2012
Thank you so much for the :+fav:! :)
Reply
:iconalexuba:
AlexUba Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Thx for the fav! :)
Reply
:iconemiliebouvier:
EmilieBouvier Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the fav :heart: :hug:
Reply
:iconpenfold73:
penfold73 Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2011
Thanks for the fav
Reply
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