but not afraid
but not determined
a dream within a dream within reality,
I wake up not knowing where I am at or why I left.
I try so hard to pinpoint myself inside my breaking mind.
but not when your here
I am punching and fighting knowing my fight will just bring me to my end
but I will not stop. Not with nothing to lose.
In my dreams, I create abstract situations and your always there.
I dont put you in them,
so why do you keep showing up
Even though I die and suffer in my dreams, every single night, I still consider waking up
to be the true nightmare.
You were so gentle like the gentle stroke of a beautiful song on a piano,
you were so intricate like that of echo of a beautiful set of strings.
so perfect as the evolving clouds across a time lapse of a perfect day
so beautiful as the oceans my dreams take deep into
your smile.. makes me weep now when I remember it as my brain generates that memory.
your touch... as your hand was in mine... seeing silly movies, being awkward and weird in that hotel
how youd never eat in front of me
how you were not quite sure where to even take me.
how your eyes looked when i looked so deep into them.
I have opened my eyes now
I am sorry they were closed for a while.
its too late ..
but I see now.
I am sorry I put a leash on you and dragged you through the flames with me.
love, and jealousy can change a boy
but im not a boy any longer.
A&F my love.. I will always have a tear hanging from my heart
for the mistakes you and I had to learn.